A colonial adventure...

Just a quick update for all you readers of this here blog...I am packing my bags and making way for my next adventure in this life. This adventure will take me some 3000 miles away from everything I know and for 40 hours a week it will take me back some 200+ years in time. This weekend I was offered an acting position at Colonial Williamsburg, in Williamsburg, VA. I have purchased my train ticket and will be leaving from Union Station in Portland, OR at 4:45pm (PST) two days later I will switch trains in Chicago, IL and later that afternoon arrive at Union Station in Washington, DC. After a several hour layover that I will most likely spend at the Capitol Mall, I will board another train and arrive on Jan. 11th at 9:23pm (EST) in downtown Williamsburg, VA. Thus, beginning the Virginian leg of my life's journey. I will have two days to figure out transportation and temporary housing and then my first day of training/work will be on Monday, Jan. 14th, 2008. I am sad to leave behind my beloved Oregon, friends, and family...and it will be a chore to live without Portia for a few months. But know I have you all in my heart and that whatever comes of this Virginian adventure it is what God has willed for my life and I am ready for whatever He has for me in this.

Birds of a feather DO flock together so they all can soar

It is winter time here in the High Desert of Oregon. The snow seems to come and go, although the cold does remain. Today was one of those days that the sun was shining but it failed to warm much up, stayed just around freezing today. But it was a beautiful day nonetheless. I decided today that instead of heading off into the mountains on a hike that I would walk along the river here in town hoping in my heart to come across some Canadian Geese. And trust me that is a pretty easy task around here if you know where to go. Well, I accomplished that goal and felt like I should share some things with you all.

I spent the last 10 days at a place called the Hoffman Institute, located in California. This "retreat" was a gift from a very dear friend of mine who thought maybe it could help me out. When I left I just saw it as an opportunity to have a place to eat and sleep for about 10 days, not a bad gig when you are homeless and without work. Little did I know that this "retreat", although filled with some of the hardest and silliest stuff I have ever been through and experienced, would absolutely change my life. And most importantly it changed my world view, which is how I know this change is real. I had no idea how much just changing your attitude about yourself could also change your attitude about the world and the rest of the people in it. Anyway, back to the geese...

While I was at this retreat, I experienced this process with 32 amazing people and with 5 expert instructors, who at the beginning of the week I wanted nothing to do with. But by the end of the week I had 37 new, very near and dear to my heart friends...more than that I had friends that felt like family. We had people of all ages, I was the second youngest, and from all places in the United States, oh and not to mention a Swede and a Canadian in the bunch. At weeks end it was hard to leave all these dear friends and go back to the 'real' world. Before we left our teachers shared with us some facts about geese.

Did you know that the geese fly in the V-shaped pattern so they can each share the load of pulling the weight for the whole group? Did you know the ones in the back honk as encouragement for the leaders to keep up the good work? Did you also know that if one goose were to become injured or tired and fell out of formation that two other geese would also break formation and help assist and protect the one that is injured or tired? Well if you didn't know it before you know it now. If you ever get a chance be sure to read the poem by Mary Oliver entitled: WILD GEESE.

This afternoon I was in excellent spirits but to be honest, today I am missing my flock. So I went for that walk and I found a large flock of geese that were flying and swimming along the Deschutes River. As I watched these geese I began to think about all those 'geese' that I had spent 10 crazy days with and then as the flock departed from the river in smaller flocks I began to get excited at the thought of all the new 'geese' I will get to meet in the future that lies ahead of me!

Once I left the park a song I had never heard before came on the radio. It is performed by a Christian band called Sanctus Real (I had to look the song up on the internet). I could not believe the words I was hearing, every single word rang true for what I was experiencing in just that moment. The lyrics of the song are far better than me describing it so here is the song:

WE NEED EACH OTHER
by Sanctus Real

I think I caught a glimpse of
Life without friends
Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely
We never meant to hurt each other
So Can’t we trust again
And take it as a chance
To keep on growing

I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy
But I know that we could be happy
If we’d only learn to love

Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz no one’s meant to live alone

Life revolves around the need
Of having someone
Causing every complicated feeling
Oh and I don’t want to loose you
And there is nothing wrong with
Telling me what you need
To keep our love strong

It’s just a part of being a family
Taking the good with the bad and the ugly
If we could only learn to love

Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz I don’t want to be alone

Oh Oh we need each other
Fathers and Mothers
Oh oh we need each other
All your sisters and brothers
Oh oh we need each other
We need friends and lovers
Oh Oh we need each other

Well I need you
You need me
Cuz that’s the way
It’s meant to be
I need you
We need each other
(I don’t want to be alone)

I have spent a good portion of the last few years of my life being alone. It was where I felt safe and happy. I failed to realize that I do need real, authentic relationships with other people in my life. The words to this song say it all, we DO need each other and I DON'T want to be alone. My isolation was my own doing and now that I am aware how counter-productive that way of life is to true happiness and life, I will make every effort to go out and find some new flocks to fly with!

Peace, light, and love to all of you this holiday season...I do truly love you all!

Upside Down...the greatest feeling, JJ is right who says I can't do everything?

So it's been a few days since I have posted anything and man is my world a lot different now! It is very hard to put into words all the things I have come to understand about myself and the world around me. It is very hard to put into words my true feelings and the type of change that I have experienced in my life. I now have a new world view and this view is the greatest view I have ever had or seen. Today I went on a hike after an interview this morning. I snapped this photo while on that hike. Just look at all the amazing colors that the light brings through. Do you see them? This is an image I have probably seen a thousand times in my life but never saw it this way. This was the warmest I have ever been in the sunshine and it was 20 degrees with snow on the ground at the time I snapped this shot. It is an amazing feeling to be in the light and to let your light shine in this world. That is one lesson I have learned of late that I will not be quick to forget. Like I said it is hard for me to share with you how excited at living life I am and how alive I feel right now. As my best friend in the world put it: "Its like you are sitting in the sling shot of life and God has just pulled it back and it about to let you fly."

I am so free and so ready to fly. If you ever get the chance to listen to singer/songwriter Beth Nielsen Chapman I encourage you to do so...especially her song "FREE" this song is the best way to put into words exactly what I have experienced lately and how I feel.

FREE
by
Beth Nielsen Chapman

I had it tough when I was just a little kid
It didn't matter what I thought it didn't matter what I did
I felt the doubt for what I lacked right from the start
It did a number on my head but it could never touch my heart

Cause I had just enough imagination
Just enough to keep the faith
That somehow I would think of what to do
When I'd get lost in a momentary weakness of emotion
All the angels came along to help me through

Life pulls fast changes
Wind blows past pages
All I see is, I don't need this
Highstrung tight rope walks
Ticking time bomb clocks
Scratch my name off, cut these chains

I'm free...Kicking out of that prison
I'm free...Singing those words of wisdom
Let it be...Nobody's gonna put the blues inside of me..

And in the stress to be the best I've done it all
I've slammed the doors I've jammed the locks
Laid the bricks, I've built the walls
No one could tell me back then why joy eluded me
Kept bumping into that misery locked up deep down inside of me

Took that rage and I
Turned that page and I
Packed my tools, went back to school
And I've passed my graduation
I hold my Ph. D. in crash test blues
I've paid those dues

I'm free...
Repeat Chorus

Time flied by in photographs
And paper scraps and songs
Here I stand in ruby slippers
Three taps takes me home...I'm free...

And the adventure continues...

Here I sit a regional airport in the state of Virginia, my whirlwind, 3000 mile, Thanksgiving adventure is drawing to a close. If nothing else this trip was an experience that shall not be easily forgotten. After spending the holiday with family, I then stayed the night with some old friends...who in the short time I was with them showed just why we all have been friends for so long. And for that and for them I am eternally grateful. Their family sent me on my way with some excellent turkey sandwiches and some wonderful prayers and blessings.
About 10 hours, 2 planes, and one shuttle bus later I finally arrived at my destination. I settled in and went to sleep and the next morning I awoke to truly begin my adventure in the former capitol city of Virginia. I first attended an amazing church, not too unlike the one at home in Central Oregon. The pastor and the church goers created a warm and very welcoming environment, the Pastor even e-mailed me a thank you note for attending later that same night.
After the service I then set out to explore the history of this city and its importance to the foundation of our country. I walked the streets of Gen. Washington, passed by the home of mayor Wythe. Listened to the incredible singing and preaching of the Mr. Reverend Moses. I listened to generals plan for battle, and heard one of the best quotes I have heard in a long time. They were discussing leadership and response to a question about the measure of a man's life. One general gave this response:

"A man is not measured by his mistakes, but rather by how he reacts to those mistakes."

I then continued in my journey only to witness an amazing reading of the Declaration of Independence and was amazed at how true those words written so long ago still ring powerfully true today. When suddenly we were interrupted by this man:
That's right, the original American villain, the hero turned traitor, Benedict Arnold stormed in to announce the takeover by the Redcoats. He was met with much disdain, loudly booed and hissed the entire time he was before us. What I found so amazing were the words this man spoke. Here he was a traitor and a turncoat, a former hero of the Continental Army. Yet, he spoke with eloquence making valid points of ill treatment of soldiers who return from the battlefield to the general public...words that honestly still ring true today...words that I would love for the people responsible for picketing outside of Walter Reed Medical Hospital and the ones who picket the funerals of those who gave all, and for people like the ones who deface the memorials dedicated to the ones who did not come home, those people should be forced to listen to his words...and how the ill treatment and disdain for soldiers upon their return do affect them in so many ways most people would never understand. I think it was put best by someone who said: "For those who fought for it freedom has a flavor the protected will never know."
My journey continued the next day with a job audition. Honestly, this was one of the longest and most draining auditions I have been involved with to this day...however, it was personally one of the most rewarding experiences I have had in a long, long time. It would be too hard to put that entire experience into words, but just let me say I feel confident that I left everything I had to give on that stage floor. The decision is now in the hands of the men and women who observed and ran that audition. However, I firmly believe no matter what they decide God has a perfect plan for my life...even greater than I could ever imagine, and that if this is the job He has for me I know it is a job I could do, without question...something I would have never known had I not had the support of dear family and friends in making the last minute arrangements to make this journey...for that I am very thankful and know I will never look back on this time in my life only to say..."What if?"
Oregon here I come.

Thanksgiving Road Trip

In an amazing twist of events I will be on a major road trip this coming weekend. This week I have been asked by a Professional Christain Theatre in Tennessee to submit an audition tape for a role they would like me to play...and while I was working on the audition tape for that job, I recieved two callback requests yesterday...one from a Shakespeare Theatre on the East Coast, and the other at a major living history site in Virginia. Both places wanted me to fly out and audition at their locations this coming week. After some thought and prayer, I have decided to pass on the 5-month Shakespeare gig, however, come Saturday I will be on my way for my audition in Virginia on Monday. I am looking forward to this opportunity and I am going to trust that no matter what happens it is all in God's hands anyway. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tribute...

SSgt. David P. Spears, "Chief of Smoke"

25th ID, 2nd/9th Artillery, "BattleKings"

As most of you are probably aware this weekend is Veteran's Day. In more recent history I have tried to spend every Veteran's Day and when I can afford it Memorial Day in Washington, D.C. to pay honor and tribute to my grandfather (pictured above) and all the men and women past and present in the United States Armed Forces. Unfortunately recent events and well just life and in general has prevented me from traveling to D.C. for this year's events. Several of my family members, however, have been able to make it there for this week's events. What makes it sting a little for me is that this year is the 25th Anniversary of the Vietnam Memorial Wall being erected their in D.C. The event will be ongoing for most of this week, they actually started reading the names of each of the 58,000 plus names of the men and women listed on that wall yesterday at 4pm EST time. It will take four days to read that list name by name out loud, reader's will be starting at 5am each day and read until midnight each day until all the names have been read. According to my mother and sister who are there already, yesterday my good friend and retired Veteran, Hank Cramer
had the honor of being the first to read. Like my grandfather, both Hank and his dad have served with the 25th Infantry Division. Hank's dad is considered to be the very first casuality of the Vietnam War. Although, 25 years ago that was not the case and therefore only on the Traveling Wall Memorial will you see Hank Cramer's father listed first on the wall. Like Hank, my mom, sister, father, and so many of my dear Veteran's who are all there my heart longs to be in D.C. with them. And while that is not possible for me this year I will be holding them all dear to my heart and in my own special way pay tribute to each and everyone of them, including my granddad. Please take time to watch the videos and take some time to thank a Veteran and be sure to welcome them home, no matter how many days, weeks, months, or years they have made it home.

HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY

And I'm Out...

So Steve-o is out...out of Central Oregon. As of this coming Thursday night I will no longer be a resident of anywhere. I have been officially kicked out by the landlady making me homeless. Still haven't found work yet, so this Vet's Day Weekend I will be in H-town watching the place for the family. Then after that who knows...hope to come back to Bend after the weekend and do some parking lot and couch jumping if possible, not sure what's next for me. I gotta find some work somewhere and once that happens than I will find a more permanent place to live. Stuff is crazy right now but there are lessons and better things to come out of all of this. Thanks to you all! Peace, and I am out!!

Fear and Love-ing in Central Oregon

Well still no job offers yet and what worse that means still no leads on a place to live. Funny how not having a job is so closely linked to not having the ability to find a place to live. Portia and I just got home from yet another jaunt through town. Can I just say I love this town? Cause I do. We walked from park to park along the Deschutes River, we started before sundown and ended right at sunset. It was a chilly day but it was clear skies so it wasn't all that bad and it made for a beautiful walk back to the car as the sunset behind the Cascade Mountains. I love being able to see the sun set behind Mt. Bachelor, Broken Top, 3-finger Jack, and the 3 Sisters, especially now that they all have a covering of snow upon them. And although it looks as if Portia and I will be moving all our stuff into storage and staying in the KIA until I can find a job and a place to live, we will still be able to enjoy our walks on the Deschutes River Trail and enjoy a few more wonderful sunsets!

INTO THE WILD or the Pursuit of Happiness.

Today I went and saw Sean Penn’s new movie INTO THE WILD based upon the book by Jon Krakauer of the same name. Krakauer based his book upon the life and “adventures” of Chris McCandless. McCandless was a college educated 23 year old raised in a middle class family just outside the Nation’s Capital. Shortly after graduating from Emory University in Georgia, McCandless donated his life savings to charity and began to wander across the country. He made every effort to escape from any link to his previous 23 years on Earth and all links to society. He would alternate from settled periods were he would work odd jobs to make money to periods where he live without money and very limited human contact of any kind. He managed, against most odds, to survive several dangerous events that for all intensive purposes should have taken his life, from a flash flood that claimed his car, to inexperienced kayaking down the Colorado River, and a sandstorm in Mexico that had him holed up in a cave for some 30 plus days. All of this leading up to his dream of making into the wilds of Alaska for his “Alaskan Odyssey,” his plan was to live for years off the land, far away from civilization, and would keep a journal of his physical and spiritual progress as he challenged nature in his attempts at survival.

To be fair, I did like the movie. The scenery was amazing and the idea of trekking throughout the countryside meeting all sorts of different people does have its own sort of appeal and mystic. Unfortunately the main character was not compelling in any way. He had a blatant disregard for those around him, even when you thought life and adventure had kicked him down to the point where he would reconnect with his sister, or take the advice of a friendly South Dakotan or old war vet, he doesn’t. Instead he continues to live with reckless abandon and carelessness that would ultimately lead to his downfall and demise. Throughout his adventures he believes that self-reliance, ego, and self-will will carry him through any circumstance. What I have found most compelling about McCandless’ situation is that there are many people who idealize this man for what he did, he is immortalized in Krakauer’s book, in Penn’s film, and there are even more still who use his life as a guidebook for their own. Yet I still ask, ‘Why is that?’

So this kid decides to donate his life savings ($24,000) to charity (starving kids in Africa) and then head off on adventure to escape society and the traditional roles it plays in peoples lives. Does this make him a hero? An idealist? Maybe. However, I don’t think so. He wanted out…out of his life, out of his family, and quite possibly out of this world. Was it really an “Alaskan Odyssey” or a suicide mission? After reading an essay by Alaskan Park Ranger Peter Christian I tend to believe it was the later.

What stuck me the most was what Christian had to say on the matter. Christian arrived in Alaska in 1992, the same year as McCandless, he also was about the same age. Christian served his first few years as a Park Ranger in Denali National Park, very near where McCandless’ body was discovered. The question I ask, just as Christian asks, “Why is McCandless’ story the one that gets immortalized?” Both young men had a seemingly similar dream to survive off the land in the Alaskan wilderness. To challenge themselves against nature, yet Christian survives and McCandless doesn’t.

What I found amazing was Christian’s take on the legacy that McCandless left behind and what really happened in that summer of 1992, the last of Chris McCandless life: “I am exposed continually to what I will call the 'McCandless Phenomenon.' People, nearly always young men, come to Alaska to challenge themselves against an unforgiving wilderness landscape where convenience of access and possibility of rescue are practically nonexistent ... When you consider McCandless from my perspective, you quickly see that what he did wasn’t even particularly daring, just stupid, tragic, and inconsiderate. First off, he spent very little time learning how to actually live in the wild. He arrived at the Stampede Trail without even a map of the area. If he had a good map he could have walked out of his predicament ... Essentially, Chris McCandless committed suicide.”

McCandless without regard to family, friends, or those around him went off on an adventure, an adventure he claimed was his dream to live a Thoreau-like period of solitary away from society and human contact. He would write of his adventures and maybe one day write a book, that I suppose he felt he could come back to the society he so desperately despised and would try to sell. Some feel this man was an idealist who went on this adventure for all the right reasons and that we should look up to him for this. Most people that know of this story, book, and this man will read this post with anger and frustration with my opinion of him, as they say I did not know or understand him, to which I say ‘very true.’

Yet, I cannot look at this situation in any other way then to say he was selfish and careless. He lived his life with disregard for others, others in his family, and those he met along his journey trying to heed him in his steps and redirect his destructive path. “How is that?” you ask.

Look at it this way. He graduates from college and immediately sets off on an adventure that no one in his family is aware of and leaves no way of finding him, even arranging for all his mail to be held at the post office for 30 days so that the return to sender mail isn’t sent back to his parents until he has had a sufficient head start. At no time does he contact in any way the sister he is reported to have had the best relationship with. Along the way many people offer to aide McCandless and encourage him not to go to Alaska. Even the very last man to see him alive offers to give McCandless a map of the Stampede Trail Wilderness Area, where his body would eventually be found some four months later, and McCandless refused this man’s map and efforts to take him to Anchorage instead to get proper supplies. Instead, of accepting the advice and assistance of all these people he insists on heading off unprepared into the wild.

It is said that it is nearly impossible for anyone to starve to death in this portion of Alaska in the summertime, yet that is exactly the fate that McCandless met. Krakauer believes the death by starvation McCandless suffered was caused by ingesting the seeds of the wild potato, which McCandless wrote about eating and blamed for his debilitating final illness. However, they are not commonly known to be poisonous, and the root of the plant is edible, there is evidence that the seeds contain an alkaloid which prevents glucose utilization. Yet, Dr. Thomas Clausen, of the University of Alaska Fairbanks, carried out extensive tests on the seed and found there were no toxins or alkaloids. Note that this is the theory that Krakauer presents in his book on McCandless, and differs from the earlier theory he related in his article for Outside magazine, about a second plant — Hedysarum boreale mackenzii, a wild sweet pea plant — resembling the wild potato and known to be poisonous. Yet, in the most recent edition of his book, Krakauer has slightly modified his theory regarding the cause of McCandless' death. He believes the seeds of the wild potato had been moldy, and it is the mold that contributed to the seeds' toxicity, yet even this newest theory cannot be proven.

Apparently, there is evidence that McCandless was ready to leave Alaska. He felt that he had succeeded in his efforts to survive in Alaska after several months, not several years as he first intended. But once he decided to leave the way he knew was out had become blocked. For whatever reason he fails to discover any other possibilities for walking out of the wilderness, and had he had that map offered to him four months earlier he would have noted several possible exits and routes of escape. He was only six miles from a hand-operated tram that traversed the river blocking his path, and 20 miles by trail to the Alaskan Park’s Highway. I mean, how did he think the abandon bus he was living in had come to be abandoned there in the first place…it at one time had traveled that trail by first arriving on the Park’s Highway.

I think this story is a tragedy. Not a heroic adventure tale. And it is not a tragedy in the traditional sense. This character, Chris McCandless aka Alexendar Supertramp, was on a mission, a mission to lose it all, to lose himself. There is no heroism in that, there is noting admirable in that, it is just a sad story. And what makes this story tragic is what he found in the end: “Happiness is only real when it is shared.”

Here he was, starving in the wild of Alaska, without anyone or anything around him. He had all that he was searching for…to be free…away from everyone and everything. And what he finally realized is that being free of people, objects, money, and things was not the answer to happiness. What he failed to realize his entire life and during his journey was what all those along the way were trying to show him. That happiness comes from being with others, having that connection to human life and relationships. That happiness that was created in the second chapter of Genesis, by God himself: “The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it…Then the Lord said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed.” (Gen. 2:15-23 NLT)

McCandless lost everything in order to find true happiness and only then discovered that true happiness is only real when shared. Something he never did his whole life…true he gave away his money to charity, but was that sharing or was that his attempt to rid himself of things and society? Throughout his journey in life many people stepped forward in effort to share their life with Chris McCandless and he refused their efforts, his sister, Wes is South Dakota, Ron in Arizona, the travelers along the way. All because he sought a false truth and happiness and in the end realized where true happiness lied.

As I continue on my path in life may I continue to seek after God’s Will and His happiness. May I be mindful of those around me…past, present, and future who wish to share the experiences of life together. And may I never forget, that just as God intended, and McCandless found out all to late:

HAPPINESS IS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED.

So the Red Sox Win Game 1 and I am a history geek...

Now I have lived in the Pacific Northwest pretty much all my life. And a lot of my loyalties lie with Northwest teams when it comes to sports, and yes, the Colorado Rockies got their start out here. As a matter of fact, the very first group of players to take the field for the Rockies organization did so right here in the community of Bend, Oregon where I currently reside. In 1991 Colorado was announced as one of the winners of two expansion teams that would join Major League Baseball during the1993 season. In 1992, the previously independent team, Bend Bucks, became known as the Bend Rockies. The Bend Rockies were the very first farm team of the new expansion Major League team Colorado Rockies. It took some convincing to have the owners of the Bend Bucks change their name to the Bend Rockies, but eventually money and the promise of a better class of ballplayers won them over and the name was changed. The Bend Rockies did alright that first year, winning their division of the Northwest League, before losing the championship to the Bellingham Mariners. Of course, considering the Bend Rockies were taking advantage of using the expansion Colorado Rockies 13 1st round draft picks this was really not all that surprising of a feat. This team would only play two more seasons in Bend, before the ownership moved them to Portland in 1995 and eventually to Tri-Cities, Washington in 2001. The thing I find interesting is that the Colorado Rockies have always saw to it that the Northwest Farm team be named after its parent organization. That is until they moved to the Tri-Cities. First the Bend Bucks became the Bend Rockies, then the Portland Rockies, but since 2001 they have been the Tri-City Dust Devils. Ok, so despite all connections to the Northwest I must confess: I HAVE NO LOYALTY TO THE COLORADO ROCKIES AND I HOPE BOSTON WINS THE WORLD SERIES!!!

The Red Sox win tonight...One game down and three more wins will give them another World Series Championship. Needless to say I am just a little excited at that prospect. I recently have had a few people make the comment that they had no idea that I was such a Red Sox fan. All it took to convince them was 1) I do have Irish blood in me, along with a few other ethnic groups as I am a true American Mutt, however, I like to think the Irish is the stronger of the mix and 2) since I was born in 1979 the Red Sox have only been to the World Series three times now, and have only one once (2004) I am hoping by November 2nd I will be able to say I have seen the Red Sox win the World Series twice in my lifetime. So here's to that!!
I think the fact that I am a history geek also has a little something to do with my appreciation for the Red Sox. This is a team with a whole lot of American History under its belt. This team is one of eight charter teams from the original American League, of course at the time they weren't known as the Red Sox, they were the Boston Americans. Anyone who knows me, knows I would have a hard time rooting against any team who was known as the Americans (for those of you knew me back when, did you ever see me root against the Tri-City Americans? No, I think not...especially when they were wiping the ice with the Kamloops Blazers). Ok, back to baseball. Now, I am not the Jimmy Fallon character from the movie FEVER PITCH, I don't watch every game all year long...but I do keep track, check records, see whose leading their division, who looks like they have a chance when the playoffs roll around. And yes, when the playoffs roll around I do follow the post-season games of baseball on TBS, TNT, and FOX...and yes if the Boston Red Sox are in it I am rooting and watching them until the end. GO RED SOX!!!

What is your SHAPE? Lesson one: Spiritual Gifts

Pastor Randy has officially kicked off the new series at church, S.H.A.P.E. What is your shape? Well, maybe the best way to determine your shape is to break it down and work from there. So, here is the breakdown for the series:

• S = Spiritual Gifts
• H = Heart
• A = Abilities
• P = Personality
• E = Experiences

To be honest about this series, I have been both excited and terrified about it at the same time. Why? You ask. Well, because I pretty much knew this series was going to hit home pretty hard. I need to get into shape in so many ways these days, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. This week’s topic, Spiritual Gifts, hit home particularly hard as this is something I have been struggling with since losing my job recently.

For those of you who have known me for any length of time are aware of where my heart and passions lie, in the theatre. I love to act and perform. The theatre, any theatre, is where I feel most alive and most “at home” and many of you are aware of that. Since losing my job, and even in the several weeks leading up to my termination, I have done a lot of thinking of “how am I using my theatre skills and abilities for God?” There have been many times in my past where I felt like every performance I gave, regardless of location, was a performance directed by God, Himself. From doing theatre on the streets of Belfast, Northern Ireland, with Youth For Christ, to performing at the collegiate level, and even as the Director of Theatre at First Assembly in Pendleton.

It didn’t matter if it was a secular show or a church function it felt like I was right where God wanted me, using the gifts and abilities He had given me just as He had intended for them to be used. Over the years, it would seem that I have gotten away from performing “in the church” or “for the church.” While I still prayed before every show that God would use me and my giftings to affect even one life for Him (a tradition started at age 14, thanks to my high school director, Rem) a lot of my performances have felt more about entertainment than anything else.

I am not saying that every performance has to be a “Christian” one, as Rem pointed out my Senior year, “Stephan, when you perform, you affect people in one of two ways, for the good or for the bad, there is no in between.”

He was right, that year I won the State Acting Championship with a friend and she and I placed 2nd at the International Thespian Festival in Lincoln, Nebraska later tat same year. My friend and I put together a weekend of performances of the full length version of the show our competition piece was based on. Opening night was possibly the worst night of theatre I have ever been associated with, however, that night affected many lives. One man had kept an engagement ring in his pocket for three weeks waiting for the perfect moment to propose, after seeing the show, he proposed in the lobby because he didn’t want to live one more day without her. Another man called his pastor and asked to buy 25 tickets for his adult Sunday school class, ‘cause this show had shown him there are only two ways to live your life and he was on the wrong path.

Keep in mind this show had nothing to do with Christianity, or God, or church for that matter. The only connection to God was that both performers were Christians and that we prayed together before each rehearsal and show. I am not kidding when I say the opening night was horrible, and it totally showed me that it has nothing to do with my words or abilities, that Rem was right, shows affect people both for the good and the bad. And God was powerful enough, and skilled enough to take our worst show ever and turn it into good for His glory.

So of course with all these memories on my mind, I attended Sunday morning’s service with some trepidation on my part. I have felt recently like I was failing to use my gifts and abilities the way in which God has intended and I felt like this message would be very convicting. I wasn’t too far off…

Pastor titled the message “The ‘ABC’s’ of Spiritual Gifts.” He proceeded to breakdown Spiritual Gifts and their importance to us, for it says in 1 Corinthians 12:1 “I want you to understand about spiritual gifts.” This is how he broke it down:

• A = Awareness. What are Spiritual Gifts?
~ It is something EVERY Christian has. (1 Cor. 7:7)
~It is something GIVEN not earned or even willed. (Eph. 4:7)
~ It is something supernatural, not natural. (1 Cor. 12:4-6)
• B = Benefits. Why are Spiritual Gifts so important?
~ Others will be served. (1 Peter 4:10)
~ The Church will be strengthened. (1 Cor. 12:7)
~ You will be stable. (Eph. 4:14)
• C = Commitment. How can I use my gifts?
~ Discover your gifts! (1 Tim. 4:14) more on this in a minute
~ Dedicate your gifts! (Romans 6:13)
~ Develop your gifts! (2 Tim. 1:6)
~ Deploy your gifts! (Romans 12:6)

Yeah, all this is great right? But how do you really know whether or not you are using your gifts they way they were intended and how do you really know what those gifts are?

Well, I am going to disagree with the Pastor a little here, and feel free to disagree with me, but I think this is one of those things in life where “you know when you know.” Usually you hear that phrase when you ask some married couple how did you know you were marrying the right person, and they just say “Oh, you know, I just knew when I knew.”

I think deep down we all know what our Spiritual Giftings are, and we all definitely know or at least feel when we aren’t using them as God intended. Pastor Randy did give a quick breakdown on how to determine your giftings and I felt they are definitely useful:

• Examine: Study about Spiritual Gifts
• Evaluate: Look at what you are good at.
• Experiment: “Try” through serving.

He even mentioned asking others around you where they felt your giftings fit in. There are all kinds of books and online tests when it comes to this area of service to God. And I fully believe this is an area that I need improvement in, otherwise, I would not have so many nerves when it comes to approaching this issue. Somehow though I don’t think I am the only one…I think there are many Christians trying to find where they fit into this whole ‘church’ and ‘God’ stuff.

I will continue to pursue the answers to my questions about where I fit in and how exactly God wants me to use my giftings and where. And while I do this, my prayer will be that I remember the two most important parts from Sunday’s message, at least from my perspective: “Spiritual Gifts are about OTHER people” and “My Spiritual Gift is: the power to bless others.”

Dear God,
Please show me the way and the how to use the gifts you have given me. Give me the power, wisdom, and strength, to remove the focus from me and my life and show me how to use these gifts for your Will, your Glory, and for your Kingdom. Amen.

Let's Go Red Sox!!

They made it to the World Series and now it is time to sing loud and sing proud that the mighty Sox will down the mile high Cinderella boys. GO RED SOX!!!

For Boston, for Boston, we sing our proud refrain
for Boston, for Boston
'tis wisdom's earthly fane
for here are all one
and our hearts are true
and the towers on the heights
reach the heavens own blue.
for Boston, for Boston
'til the echoes ring again

For Boston, for Boston
thy glory is our own
for Boston, for Boston
'tis here that truth is known
and ever with a right
shall our heirs be found
'til time shall be no more
and thy work is crowned
for Boston, for Boston
thy glory is our own

An Ominous Interview...

The Agent at the Employment Firm sets up this interview for me that I just got home from. It seemed fairly straightforward on the phone. I would be interviewing for a customer service/gatehouse position for a gated community...one of the many located throughout Central Oregon. The Employment Agent didn't know much outside of that. He gave me a location and a name of an interviewer along with the time of interview. Oh and a little advice: "Stephan, make sure you arrive on time, look sharp, nail it and then give me a call when it's over."

Thanks, I will keep all that in mind.

So there I was 10 minutes early to my interview, a reasonable amount of time not too early and definitely not late...although I am not going to lie, I had to triple check the address. I was there thinking I would be interviewing for a job with a gated community, thought maybe I would interview at a property management firm or something right? Boy, was I wrong...nope I had arrived at an accounting firm. Bookkeeping and accounting to be exact. And at 10 minutes before my interview the door was locked. Now I thought this was strange and I still wasn't 100% sure I was at the right spot. However, the Agent assured me I was and that maybe they were out to lunch still. Sure enough he was right. Three minutes before the interview I was let in the building by the secretary.

"Oh, you must be here for the interviews, you're early but come on in and have a seat in there."
I followed her instructions thinking, "My interview is in two minutes and I am early?"

Wow, so I sit down in this conference room filled with every item that the M&M company has ever offered through their M&M candy company...need a visual? Imagine a room filled with every possible non-edible M&M product that probably was offered by mailing in S&H charges along with 25 UPC labels of your favorite peanut M&M candy...that was the room.

Fifteen more minutes goes by and still I am in the room surround by the M&M cartoon characters on the shelves and walls. Finally a lady comes in and introduces herself, apparently she had Googled me or something, she seemed to know all there was about me and yet we had just met. "Oh, and you have a familiar face, have I seen you before?" We came to the conclusion she had seen me in a couple plays here in town.

Keep in mind I had been given a name by the Employment Agent...this lady was not the person I had been told I was meeting, but she assured me she was the one in charge. She laid out the job and its description, however, no specifics were ever revealed...and any search for details was answered with the classic movie line: "I can not reveal that at this time" or "At the moment I am not at liberty to say"

To be completely honest, I felt like I was in the Transformers movie interviewing for a staff position with Sector 7. Who knows how I did or if I will get the job, based upon the description of duties and what they are looking for I am more that qualified....so we'll see but I can't promise anything, if I am hired I may have to tell you: "If I tell you, I have to kill you!"

Well, I'm off to serve at some sorta banquet...'til next time!

A Shameless Plug...

So as an out of work actor I thought I would post a few videos on Google in effort to get my shows and name out there in hopes of maybe having someone out there somewhere book me for a gig or two...here's the latest shows posted online. You know of anyone pass them along to American West Interpretations this is my father and my historical interpretation company. Here's the latest videos:

O, What A Change from Last Year!

Jim Bridger And The Bard

Talk about fate and destiny...

Talk about a Happy 50th Birthday....Dawgs weather the Storm 50 to 14! Happy Birthday, Dad!!

Happy Birthday Dad

So today my dad turns 50. As most of my friends would say, it's about time! I think actually wishes he had a few more years to spare before 50. I won't be there to celebrate with him this year. He is a high school/community college teacher and a football and basketball coach. Tonight he will be coaching his Freshman squad, I think as far as he is concerned the best birthday present would be walking away tonight with a win. For his sake I hope that wish comes true. My dad and I didn't always get along and there have been many times when we haven't seen eye to eye on things. But one thing is for sure in my life...when my chips are down and things aren't looking so good for me, my dad is one of a select few I know I can count on to have my back. And over the last few years his advice and opinion has meant a lot to me. So thank you dad and I hope you have a wonderful birthday. Oh ya, and here's to hoping the Dawgs can destroy the Storm!

Dad and I at my 28th

What's next?

One exciting thing did happen today. After finishing lunch with some friends here, we are in the parking lot of a local establishment when a car pulls in...this car I recognize as one familiar to me from my days in La Grande. However, I think, "nah, it can't be." I lock eyes with the driver to find out that yes if fact it is, my old pastor from Island City Foursquare, Pastor Ted Davis. Pastor Ted is an amazing man of faith, he is a Veteran as well. Served in the US Navy. Pastor Ted was a very important and dear person to me during my time in La Grande. But what was so exciting was the fact that it was not just P.T. waving back at me, but everyone else in the car! Along with P.T. was the youth pastor from Faith Center, an old friend from high school days, but mainly from my days in Campus Life, Pastor Jeremy. Alongside Pastor J, was his new wife, Kaliee she too was an old friend from my days in Pendleton. It was so great to see everyone and have a brief encounter with people from my past that made me feel so grateful for the friendships I have, even after I have come and gone from a place. You wanna check out a great and adorable couple check them out.
Another day of job searching is done...well at least the going around town and looking part is. I wish there was someone to send a bill of all the time I spend searching for work. I now spend more hours away from home (and my dog) then I ever did when I had my quote/unquote "dream job." I think I am at the point now that any job would be a "dream job" anything would be better than being unemployed.

What's worse is that I am also trying to find a new place to live, and I am sure I don't have to tell you that finding a new place to live while being unemployed is not an easy task. You have no way of proving that you can afford the monthly rent, so therefore you automatically don't qualify for the place, especially here in Central Oregon where they require the household to make 2-3 times the cost of monthly rent...not an easy task in this market even if you do have a job.
I do have a couple weeks still before Portia and I officially become unemployed and homeless. The promising part is that I do have some income I will be working for this week, the employment agency I have been using has found a job for me on Friday and Saturday, banquet server at the Riverhouse. I have no idea what I am going to be doing exactly or for how long...but I worked at Denny's for years so I am sure I can handle it and hey at this point money is money.
Not having a job is straining me beyond the financial and mental capacity as well. Physically I can feel the strain inside and out. There have been several panic attacks that have left me in cold sweats, racing heart, headaches, backaches, etc,. Maybe if I was in better shape I would be taking this better, who knows. I am trying to at least walk my dog in the evenings and go for extended bike rides in the mornings. But this whole process is draining me on so many levels.

Thank God for my church, Sunday services have been a major source of strength for me lately. Pastor Randy just finished a series on reframing your world view. That series was a good one. He finished the series by speaking on the application of how we should live our lives each day when we know Christ is in us. He listed 8 steps to living because Christ is in us:

1. Live with Integrity or wholeness; If you are filled with light, with no dark parts, then your whole life will be radiant. Luke 11:36
2. Live with Humility or dependency on God. Pastor went onto so say that humility in our lives is measured by the level of stress in each of our lives. Stress is caused by depending on our own strength to overcome obstacles. A humble person relies on God's strength to overcome. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:29
3. Live with Sensitivity or awareness to those around us. Let each of us please our neighbors for their good, to help them be stronger in faith. Even Christ did not live to please himself. Romans 15:2-3
4. Live with Simplicity. Don't complicate your life with stuff and things. How do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul? Matthew 16:26
5. Live with Clarity or discernment. This for some reason used to come far more naturally to me then it seems to now, and it definitely is one area I would like to improve upon. Don't be nitpickers, but use your head and heart to discern what is right to test what is authentically truth. John 7:24
6. Live with Generosity. The young adult group I attend on Sunday nights has truly helped me in this area. We collect items each week for a local homeless shelter. Most recently we have been collecting warm socks from winter. I have been trying to make a point to spend what I can (and sometimes what I can't) to purchase a couple pairs of wool socks from the local box mart. USE your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. In this way, your generosity stores up a reward for you in heaven. Luke 16:9
7. Live with Priority or first things first. This point hit me hard, especially with all that is going on in my life right now. This is to live life by looking at the whole picture and how you fit into that picture right now, today. The verse hit me especially hard: Only people who don't know God are always worrying...Your Father knows what you need. But put God's work first, and these other things will be yours as well. Luke 12:30-31. Lord, I do pray that I will not be a man who spends all his time worrying. It is hard though, give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to rely on you instead of worrying.
8. Live with Possibility or faith. No, this isn't like Rev. Osteen and the if you have enough faith all things are possible and you will live with health, wealth, and abundant happiness with no worries or fears. No, this is about learning to rely on God to the point where you know without His help life is a whole heck of a lot harder. With God everything is possible. Matthew 19:26 Everything is possible for him who believes Mark 9:23.

This, I hope will be an outline that I continue to use to everyday as a reminder of how I need to be living my life, no matter where I live, work, or play. I really pray that God will help me to make the changes were they are needed in order to live this way, oh, and that I can find a job and a place here in Bend, cause I think Pastor's new series is going to be a good one for me.

Ladies and Gentlemen...HEEEEEERRREE WEEE GOOOOOO!!!

Ask and you shall receive....that's what they say anyway. Well, a lot of people have asked and here it is, my blog. That's right people Stephan Zacharias has a place to now post all his thoughts, ramblings, and whatever else he wants to throw out to the world. I think mainly I will just try and keep a journal of my life and the pursuit to be the man God has intended me to be and my pursuit for the things He has laid before me. Of course, I gotta figure all that out the best I can.
Now you ask why the title? Well, cause Portia is a big part of my life now and so I know I will spend sometime on here writing about her and our adventures in the wilds of Central Oregon. The me part is about my pursuit of a new career after being fired recently, and the I part is my life outside of work...who I am and who God has intended me to be.
Be sure you check all the links to other sites I have included. These are some of my favorite places to visit when I get online, some are for fun, some are more serious, but ALL are worth taking a look.You got one you want me to add let me know. Oh and if there is something you think I need to be discussing on here, let me know as well, cause I am here to entertain as much as I am here to ramble on!