A colonial adventure...

Just a quick update for all you readers of this here blog...I am packing my bags and making way for my next adventure in this life. This adventure will take me some 3000 miles away from everything I know and for 40 hours a week it will take me back some 200+ years in time. This weekend I was offered an acting position at Colonial Williamsburg, in Williamsburg, VA. I have purchased my train ticket and will be leaving from Union Station in Portland, OR at 4:45pm (PST) two days later I will switch trains in Chicago, IL and later that afternoon arrive at Union Station in Washington, DC. After a several hour layover that I will most likely spend at the Capitol Mall, I will board another train and arrive on Jan. 11th at 9:23pm (EST) in downtown Williamsburg, VA. Thus, beginning the Virginian leg of my life's journey. I will have two days to figure out transportation and temporary housing and then my first day of training/work will be on Monday, Jan. 14th, 2008. I am sad to leave behind my beloved Oregon, friends, and family...and it will be a chore to live without Portia for a few months. But know I have you all in my heart and that whatever comes of this Virginian adventure it is what God has willed for my life and I am ready for whatever He has for me in this.

Birds of a feather DO flock together so they all can soar

It is winter time here in the High Desert of Oregon. The snow seems to come and go, although the cold does remain. Today was one of those days that the sun was shining but it failed to warm much up, stayed just around freezing today. But it was a beautiful day nonetheless. I decided today that instead of heading off into the mountains on a hike that I would walk along the river here in town hoping in my heart to come across some Canadian Geese. And trust me that is a pretty easy task around here if you know where to go. Well, I accomplished that goal and felt like I should share some things with you all.

I spent the last 10 days at a place called the Hoffman Institute, located in California. This "retreat" was a gift from a very dear friend of mine who thought maybe it could help me out. When I left I just saw it as an opportunity to have a place to eat and sleep for about 10 days, not a bad gig when you are homeless and without work. Little did I know that this "retreat", although filled with some of the hardest and silliest stuff I have ever been through and experienced, would absolutely change my life. And most importantly it changed my world view, which is how I know this change is real. I had no idea how much just changing your attitude about yourself could also change your attitude about the world and the rest of the people in it. Anyway, back to the geese...

While I was at this retreat, I experienced this process with 32 amazing people and with 5 expert instructors, who at the beginning of the week I wanted nothing to do with. But by the end of the week I had 37 new, very near and dear to my heart friends...more than that I had friends that felt like family. We had people of all ages, I was the second youngest, and from all places in the United States, oh and not to mention a Swede and a Canadian in the bunch. At weeks end it was hard to leave all these dear friends and go back to the 'real' world. Before we left our teachers shared with us some facts about geese.

Did you know that the geese fly in the V-shaped pattern so they can each share the load of pulling the weight for the whole group? Did you know the ones in the back honk as encouragement for the leaders to keep up the good work? Did you also know that if one goose were to become injured or tired and fell out of formation that two other geese would also break formation and help assist and protect the one that is injured or tired? Well if you didn't know it before you know it now. If you ever get a chance be sure to read the poem by Mary Oliver entitled: WILD GEESE.

This afternoon I was in excellent spirits but to be honest, today I am missing my flock. So I went for that walk and I found a large flock of geese that were flying and swimming along the Deschutes River. As I watched these geese I began to think about all those 'geese' that I had spent 10 crazy days with and then as the flock departed from the river in smaller flocks I began to get excited at the thought of all the new 'geese' I will get to meet in the future that lies ahead of me!

Once I left the park a song I had never heard before came on the radio. It is performed by a Christian band called Sanctus Real (I had to look the song up on the internet). I could not believe the words I was hearing, every single word rang true for what I was experiencing in just that moment. The lyrics of the song are far better than me describing it so here is the song:

WE NEED EACH OTHER
by Sanctus Real

I think I caught a glimpse of
Life without friends
Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely
We never meant to hurt each other
So Can’t we trust again
And take it as a chance
To keep on growing

I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy
But I know that we could be happy
If we’d only learn to love

Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz no one’s meant to live alone

Life revolves around the need
Of having someone
Causing every complicated feeling
Oh and I don’t want to loose you
And there is nothing wrong with
Telling me what you need
To keep our love strong

It’s just a part of being a family
Taking the good with the bad and the ugly
If we could only learn to love

Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz I don’t want to be alone

Oh Oh we need each other
Fathers and Mothers
Oh oh we need each other
All your sisters and brothers
Oh oh we need each other
We need friends and lovers
Oh Oh we need each other

Well I need you
You need me
Cuz that’s the way
It’s meant to be
I need you
We need each other
(I don’t want to be alone)

I have spent a good portion of the last few years of my life being alone. It was where I felt safe and happy. I failed to realize that I do need real, authentic relationships with other people in my life. The words to this song say it all, we DO need each other and I DON'T want to be alone. My isolation was my own doing and now that I am aware how counter-productive that way of life is to true happiness and life, I will make every effort to go out and find some new flocks to fly with!

Peace, light, and love to all of you this holiday season...I do truly love you all!

Upside Down...the greatest feeling, JJ is right who says I can't do everything?

So it's been a few days since I have posted anything and man is my world a lot different now! It is very hard to put into words all the things I have come to understand about myself and the world around me. It is very hard to put into words my true feelings and the type of change that I have experienced in my life. I now have a new world view and this view is the greatest view I have ever had or seen. Today I went on a hike after an interview this morning. I snapped this photo while on that hike. Just look at all the amazing colors that the light brings through. Do you see them? This is an image I have probably seen a thousand times in my life but never saw it this way. This was the warmest I have ever been in the sunshine and it was 20 degrees with snow on the ground at the time I snapped this shot. It is an amazing feeling to be in the light and to let your light shine in this world. That is one lesson I have learned of late that I will not be quick to forget. Like I said it is hard for me to share with you how excited at living life I am and how alive I feel right now. As my best friend in the world put it: "Its like you are sitting in the sling shot of life and God has just pulled it back and it about to let you fly."

I am so free and so ready to fly. If you ever get the chance to listen to singer/songwriter Beth Nielsen Chapman I encourage you to do so...especially her song "FREE" this song is the best way to put into words exactly what I have experienced lately and how I feel.

FREE
by
Beth Nielsen Chapman

I had it tough when I was just a little kid
It didn't matter what I thought it didn't matter what I did
I felt the doubt for what I lacked right from the start
It did a number on my head but it could never touch my heart

Cause I had just enough imagination
Just enough to keep the faith
That somehow I would think of what to do
When I'd get lost in a momentary weakness of emotion
All the angels came along to help me through

Life pulls fast changes
Wind blows past pages
All I see is, I don't need this
Highstrung tight rope walks
Ticking time bomb clocks
Scratch my name off, cut these chains

I'm free...Kicking out of that prison
I'm free...Singing those words of wisdom
Let it be...Nobody's gonna put the blues inside of me..

And in the stress to be the best I've done it all
I've slammed the doors I've jammed the locks
Laid the bricks, I've built the walls
No one could tell me back then why joy eluded me
Kept bumping into that misery locked up deep down inside of me

Took that rage and I
Turned that page and I
Packed my tools, went back to school
And I've passed my graduation
I hold my Ph. D. in crash test blues
I've paid those dues

I'm free...
Repeat Chorus

Time flied by in photographs
And paper scraps and songs
Here I stand in ruby slippers
Three taps takes me home...I'm free...