That is the reality of my situation...I really don't know any other way to put what I am feeling as of late into words. I know that I need to continue to lean on and trust God in all things right now. But my belief in myself to get things done is diminishing everyday. For the most part I enjoy my job, but I do feel less and less prepared and equiped to do my job in every way physically, emotionally, and mentally. I am trying with everything I am to not take this job at any more value than just that: a job...it's not personal I tell myself. However, this is something I am passionate about...telling stories of the past...so that the present and future may truly learn from their past. So how can you not take something that is a passion for you as something personal? Honestly, I don't know the answer to that. I miss my friends, my family, and I really miss the mountains and wide open landscape...it is hard living where you don't feel like you have people near by whom you can truly trust and lean on when needed. I realize it is stressful for everyone during the current crisis that we all find ourselves in everyday and I am not trying to whine or complain or even sound like I am depressed. I suppose the best way to describe it: I am just feeling pretty beat down and beat up. I still don't know where I am going to live...I have now been denied by every available apartment complex that has places for rent...through no ones fault other than my own, I shouldn't have taken out student loans and I should have found ways to pay them back quicker since I did...so that is my fault and I will take full responsibility for that. I just don't understand how when I have proof of a good rental history for the past 10 years and I am also employed by one of the largest and most reputable companies in the area...all I can do at this point is turn to and lean on God, His word, and the power of prayer. Something good will come out of all of this...
However for now my confidence in my abilities to do all things and any things (not a spelling error) is waning....
1 comment:
Hey Stevo, I will bring this up during our study tomorrow morning. we will definately include you in our prayers. you are right though, in the end it will all come together. read the first chapter of James and then the book of Job :) Blessed is the man who perseveres under trials... Love you buddy, lets talk soon.
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